Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts

Unleash the Ethics

What happens when a certain agent L and a certain agent S put two and two together? The result is four, no doubt, but with an incredible mission and a mischievous smile. The day was perfect for what they had in mind. Two A4 sheets and a pen were all the weapons they needed and the middle page of the day’s newspaper served as camouflage for the same.

Agent S thought it wise to write the column details before heading to war and agent L nodded. Sl. no., name, roll no. and sign were the chosen columns and with that, half the work was done. They made sure they kept their calm all along lest someone should doubt something was fishy. Since agent L is known to take the middle page of the paper along to every ProE class and PPT alike, nobody shot a second glance at the weapons they were smuggling in. They were nearing the war zone.

The roughly 20 students present in the hall made it seem impossible to carry out the task at hand without being caught for the same. This way and that, they analyzed the case. The decision was finally made to go ahead with the mission. The next question was how. How about entering the class along with the professor and sneaking the sheet to the ones on the last row? It was too late for that because the professor was already there! How about faking a re-entry into the hall and sitting on the last row? There were too few students to pull that off. How about just passing it along from where they were? It would be impossible to convince anyone that it wasn’t a fake sheet.

A few minutes later, the agents decided to go ahead with the most risky, yet most satisfying, option; the third one. There were two sets of students to choose from; the electricians and the mechanics. The mechanics won solely because the agents didn’t know who they were. The agents asked for a pen from the row of mechanics behind them saying that they had to sign the attendance sheet. Unbelievable though it may seem, it worked. The fake attendance sheets were being passed with more and more authenticity associated to them with every signature that was put and every sms that was sent to those who were absent. The mission was a success. The agents high-5ed, rather low-5ed, in appreciation.

One row, two rows, the sheets were moving fast and soon, it had reached the crowd on the other side of the class. A few minutes later, the professor, quite unexpectedly, decides that attendance would be taken! Was it a divine turn of events so that the agents wouldn’t get caught or had the professor noticed the A4 sheets making their rounds around class? That, we’ll never know.

Gone with the Wind

Yeah, the movie 'Gone with the Wind' is an American classic and all that but I wanted to see how mean I could be to an 'epic film'. What can I say? I guess I derive satisfaction out of thinking differently. So, here goes.

The movie begins with a couple of supposedly handsome men taking shots at Scarlett O'Hara, the childish lead heroine in the movie. It has been made very mechanical and unbelievable. There is no way a sensible woman would have found it, in the least, flattering. The lady, little girl rather, has been made to witness the Civil War waged by the Yankees, three marriages and infinite amount of flirting during the course of the movie. It seems more like a deliberate attempt at squeezing war, romance and stupidity in one big package.

The girls in the movie have been portrayed as gullible and worth only to be flirted with. The change that comes in her, as shown later in the movie, is even more outrageous. There seems to be no trace of the old Scarlet in her at all, until when Ashley comes back and confuses her. Perhaps it’s his presence that brings out the unrealistic, impulsive part of her.

There is a line in the movie ‘She’s after your beau now’ which clearly removes any doubt about the intention of the ladies in the movie. It is hard to believe that she agrees to dance with Mr. Butler, who she had addressed as a dog in the first part of the movie, for no apparent reason. The impulsiveness of the character, Scarlett, is that of a child while the role she plays in the movie is that of a fine lady.

The men in the movie are not as refined as they are supposed to be with respect to the theme of the movie either. They address Mr. Wilkes as the ‘Captain of the Troop’ and they don’t even rebel against him when he says that there shall be no war. What could get more cowardly than that! The way Mrs. Hamilton says, “Oh dear, oh dear!” and faints is nothing less than melodramatic. It’s hard to miss that Scarlett seems turned on when Melanie cries on her shoulder when the list of those who died in the war comes. The scene gets, quite interestingly, abruptly terminated.

Even in the middle of the civil war, Mr. Butler keeps his cool. When she asks what he was laughing at, he answers back that he was laughing at her. He looks so calm that it seems that might actually have been organizing the entire uproar. After the war is over, she sees the gory remains that the war has left behind. Even at this point of time, all she has to say is, “Dirty Yankees!”

Overall, the movie seems way too far fetched to believe. There are a few characters who are suffocated with too much to deliver in the movie while there are others who have little or no relevance. It is an over-ambitious movie that has managed to convince people that it is good entertainment, of the laugh at the movie genre. As far as the ten Academy Awards that it won are concerned, I’d say, “Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.”(Quotes from the movie here)

PS: This post is the first of the three musketeers who felt bad because of Mr. Murphy.

Update: Check this out. Blogging just gets better. :D

Devil Strikes Again!

And you thought I was out of the picture! Another feather in my cap and a highly treasured one at that. The Play under the Umbrella. evil laugh!

A Blast of a Birthday! - Act 1

Disclaimer:
The following post describes in vivid detail the convoluted ways in which the mind of a certain UTD ( Ulti Torture Devil ) works. So, proceed only if you think you can handle it. Oh, by the way, this is just a teeny tiny glimpse of what goes on in her mind.

Caution:
I don’t have the permission to disclose who Devil really is… and I advise you not to bother either.

A few words before I begin.( well I guess I already began but anyway…)
Thanks to Postman for the idea to write a b’day blog.
Thanks to Crazy gal for the crazy idea to blog about this particular incident.
This is a big one.. so here it goes.

This blog post is dedicated to a plucky ( henceforth addressed to as Plucky in this post), a hopeless person ( henceforth addressed to as Hopeless in this post ) and a ziddi (means stubborn in Hindi) person ( henceforth.. blah blah blah... Imp)

Narrated by Devil:-

Act 1 Scene 1

(x,,y,z,t) – (Orkut, 12/06/07 : 22:00 hrs)

I should admit that I get a lot of satisfaction from the innumerable sadistic things I do. I cannot explain why or how but it has been this way for quite some time now. This greed for sadistic happiness was heightened today for some reason; maybe because Imp didn’t come online today at all ( that’s the reason he gave… what a reason! Lol ) or because of the inspiring episode – the one which focuses on Megan and her evil self - of Drake n Josh I saw just a few minutes back, which is my reason. The point; I was on top gear. Time to attack somebody’s scrapbook. Hmm.. who shall be my victim today?? I went profile-hopping in my friends’ list and voila! Who better than Imp? Ego freak to the core and a self-proclaimed cool guy… Time for some ego-deflation. Here’s what I did to his about me column. evil laugh

Scrap 1: “well i havnt figured out much abt myself yet like what i really want. a couple of years back i had an obsessive desire to get to IIT but now that i am here and i find that it is just another college i guess i need to find a new goal.so as of now i am aimlessly killing time and that brings me to orkut.my frends say im very composd n never get angry,i njoy spending time wid frends,watching movies n generally chilling out. so add moi!!”
Scrap 2: thts more about mr 1001.. his about me column
Scrap 3: see wat I told.. give up person. Hasn’t figured out abt himself in th first place!
Scrap 4: “obsessive desire to get to IIT” couldn’t hav gt th next train kya??any moron with a ticket can do it!
Scrap 5: “just another college” duh! Wat du expect? Hogwarts?!
Scrap 6: “need to find a new goal” hopeless and goalless!
Scrap 7: “aimlessly killing time” wata murderer! No wonder ppl lik me don’t get nuf time to carry out our aimful activities. Sheesh!
Scrap 8: “that brings me to orkut” oh no! more murders abt to occur.
Scrap 9: “generally chilling out” wonder wat’s non-generally chilling out?!
Scrap 10: “so add moi" ya sure! After all this? nice try! PS: ta da ta ta taa! I'm luvin it.. ulti thing to do on my bday!

10 scraps.. as always.. 1 orkut page :D Mission Accomplished.


Act 1 Scene 2

(x,y,z,t) – (Gmail, 12/06/07 : 22:30 hrs)

Wow! That felt great! One of my masterpieces! That’s when I got my birthday compliments… the best so far…

“u evil wiked gal..
i dnt cum online 1day nd u act so smart..
litter my scraps ldat..
utd is an understatement
ur unbelivably mean
:x
:x”
LOL!

“wat abt u havnt even gt nething 2 write in ure abt u section..
except dat u cn pain infi..
d name says it all it seems..
:x
:x”
LOL!!

“… d grt whose name says it all...(wonder if it means devil personified)”
LOL!!!

And get this… I made a calm n composed guy slaisha pissed! clap Achievement! Hardwork pays and it pays handsomely. (Chap didn’t even reply once that night)

For the record: He’s just the most amazing guy I have ever met. :)

( So that was Act 1. The damage:-
Devil : “How dare he get pissed? How can he stay angry like that?? And wats with the not messaging??? Wait till I get my hands on him!”
Imp : “ So innocent, yet so evil! Nobody messes with my ego! Wait till I get my hands on her!”)

A Blast of a Birthday! - Act 2

Note : If u happen to work at a CCD, this is an imaginary act played by imaginary actors at an imaginary CCD in an imaginary city.. ah! you get the imaginary picture don’t ya?

(x,y,z,t) – (Corner sofa @ CCD,13/06/07 : 12:00 hrs)

Act 2 Scene 1

They call it Cool Blue Granita… we call it Surf Excel. It is basically half-melted blue coloured crushed ice that somehow even tastes like Surf. The drink was in my hands when my eyes fell on the cream coloured trousers Imp was wearing. Time for torture.
Devil : “ Is that a new pair of trousers?”
Imp : puzzled
Ah! Wat the hell! As if I care if they were new!
“Splash!”; a strawful of Surf Excel all over the right leg of the crisp cream pants!
Devil : “Score!”
Take that you chocolate chip snatcher!
Imp : puzzled (Chap has a huge reservoir of these puzzled looks!)

“Splash!”; another strawful of Surf Excel all over the previous stain!
Boing! The spring on which Imp was sitting springs up! Poor fella! Tries his best to wipe his pants clean.
Hopeless : “ Thank God I am on the other side, far away from you.”
Devil : realizes that he too is wearin a pair of cream trousers “My lucky day! You’re wearing cream too.”
Hopeless : takes the newspaper to save his pants from the potential danger it was in
Devil : evil smile
“Splash!”; Surf on the big-mouthed fella’s pants! “Man, this straw is good. What amazing range!”
Hopeless : speechless
Fella surrendered then and there. Smart boy!
It is so satisfying to put your physics fundaes to use!

Next stop.. Plucky! Well, what do you know… she was wearing cream coloured pants too. My lucky day indeed. :D
Plucky : “No, not me.”
Devil : “Hmm, okay. She does have a class to attend after this. Besides I have no grudge against her. My first partner in crime, after all!”

One fleeting look at Imp’s look of ego and defiance and I knew I had to act again.
Devil : “Oh! Look.. Your left leg is totally clean.. Let’s give a finishing touch to this painting, shall we?”
I took one strawful and Boing! The spring goes up again! LOL! Just imagine a 6 foot tall fella jumping out of his seat as though poked with a pin. Tom & Jerry style!
One more sip from the straw and Boing! Double LOL!!
I just reached for the straw and Boing! Triple LOL!!!
I could do this forever!
Sip! Boing! LOL! Lolz!

Before long, he got the idea that I was just taking sips and had no plans of splashing but boy, was he wrong!
“SPLASH!” the biggest one so far! I just keep getting better at this!
Ah! Sweet Sadistic Satisfaction! It was an exhilarating feeling. The pant was crying and I was laughing.

Imp tried his hand at my game! An attempt to pour the last drops of Cold Chocolate over me but I was not ready to give up without a fight. It was a weird version of a tug of war.
Imp : “You wont win at this. This is all about strength.”
Devil : “ But you are supposed to be a chivalric guy…”
Imp : “No chivalry today.”
On mutual consent, or so I think, we decided to spare the Cold Chocolate.. or maybe the waiter appeared out of nowhere.. ;)

I was ruling and no one dared to revolt. I loved being in power… the power to splash! I had no idea what was in store for me; no idea that I had aroused a naughty little imp. He struck and he struck quick. I had no time to react. Quick as lightning, his long hands reached for the glass I had just placed back on the table, and the next thing I know I was drenched in Cool Blue Granita! Soaked all over. Wonder how that half filled glass managed to make me wet from head to toe. Freakish! He must be an expert; one with no plans of slow torture. He had set his mind on it and he did it! No straw.. no nothing. Just the Surf Excel and me.

It was Payback time, for all the torture he has been through ever since he knew me, for yesterday’s scrap-book decoration, for being my imp, for all the times he has put up with me and my evil self, for everything.

Of course, two can play at this game but right now it’s time to clean up and stop the hooliganism for the time being. The waiter must have thought that we had started to eat tissue paper too. Sparing just one tissue for Imp, I began wiping all the Cool Blue Granita and man, was it cool! And sticky too. Argh!

Hopeless : “Did you get that on camera?”
Plucky : “Ya… kind of.”
Hopeless : “ You missed the best part, the Payback time.”
Plucky : “These people don’t warn us before they attack. Next time give me a signal, ok?”



Act 2 Scene 2

(x,y,z,t) – (Same sticky, Surf Excel spilt sofa with torn newspaper soaked in Surf Excel and cushions trying hard to mask the mess, 13/06/07 : 13:00 hrs)

There was tension in the air. Who shall strike next? Who shall be the victim? Are the CCD guys going to throw us out? Are we going to be banned forever? Who should be given the camera?
So many questions, yet so little time to ponder.

Hopeless and Plucky didn’t get much to eat since the two of us were kind of preoccupied with Payback time. So we decided to order a Veg Burger just for them.

Devil : “ Aww! The colour doesn’t stay!”
Imp : “That’s right.”
Devil : “ That’s bad. It doesn’t look colourful at all.” evil smile “ You know, the veg burger is served with tomato and mustard sauce.”
Imp : evil smile
Devil : evil smile
Hopeless : worried
Plucky : busy on phone

The veg burger had hardly landed on the table when I aimed for the sauce packets. Ha ha! Sucker! They were in my custody and I was not going to give them away. Hopeless and Plucky didn’t even ask me for the sauces. They just ate away mechanically fearing the worst!

Maybe I am acting paranoid. Why am I clutching on to these sauce packets anyway?
Imp wont be so evil. Let me place it back. Maybe those two might want to have sauce with their burger. What a host I have been! I am supposed to be giving the treat.

Thus, I made the foolish decision of placing back the weapon I had. The war wasn’t over and I placed my weapon down. How will I ever forgive myself? As if he was just waiting for me to act foolishly, he did his long hand act again, and the sauce packets were in his hands. Damn!
Imp : “Self-defense” evil smile
Devil : “Hmpf!” bemused

Oh! Look at him. Staring away at nothing. Those two sauce packets tossing from one hand to the other while he listens to the music. That smile on his lips; the smile of victory. The charming smile that is contagious most of the time but not right now. No time for smiling. Focus! Focus on the packets. Ah! His hands relax their grip periodically. Hmm. Now, if only I could figure out the time period. Focus! That’s a nice song. Hey that smile again! Does he have a girl in his life? One that I don’t know of? Interesting! Cut the crap! Focus!

Sick of not able to focus on the weapon of mass destruction, I made my move. A silly, hasty move. Call it insecurity or ego, I don’t care. Imp had a metallic grip and would not be letting go of his self defense that easily. The excessive pressure he applied on the flimsy packet coupled with my sharp nails spelt inevitable destruction. Mustard all over the place; our sofa, my brand new dress, his old crappy trousers, the adjacent sofa, the kid on that sofa, everywhere.
Imp : “ That was suicide!”
Devil : “ Duh! I know. Shut up.”
Imp : “ Mustard stains are hard to remove, right?”
Devil : :shutup
Devil : “ Even on my hair!”
Imp : LOL

That’s the story of how I got bright yellow mustard stains on my brand new birthday dress. If you, by chance get any mustard stains, take my advice and never google on how to remove them. It’s a scary world out there! A dye, it seems. Just what I wanted to hear!

You think that was it? Wait till you hear this. I smell like mustard! Yeah! That’s right. I smell like one huge mustard packet and the worst part is my hair smells like it too, even after a good wash with loads of conditioner. Argh! to say the least.