The Marathon

It’s not like I’m worried about it. It’s just that it’s there. It doesn’t bother me or anything but what if? What if it starts bothering me? What will I do then?

I have been trying to figure this out for quite some time now. An intriguing sensation that numbs me all over. Neither does it explain itself to me nor have I made a conscious attempt at understanding it. I have been running away from it and will continue the marathon. Yes, it’s a never-ending marathon. Now, out of the blue, (or shall I blame it on this endless vacation that is driving me insane?) I feel interested in this issue.

Where do I begin? It is, after all, difficult to think about something you never wanted to think about.

Here’s an incident from the recent past. I got hold of this song from Plucky recently. Summer of ’69 by Bryan Adams and here’s how it went.
Me: Hmm. Bryan Adams… should be a good song.
Plucky: Yeah, its really good.
Me: ok, lets hear it then.
Plucky: k
Plays the song.
Whoa! That was loud.
Hmm, sounds good.
After just two lines of the song, she had to leave to perform some chores. So its just me and the song now.
Foot tapping and head nodding.
Damn! here it comes.. he sings, “ oh when I look back now”
And it had arrived. That irritating torturous feeling swells up within me. The line, “those were the best days of my life” served as the Grand Finale. That was it. I paused the song then and there.
Plucky is back.
Me: why does he have to sing like that?
Plucky: seems to understand my situation perfectly. Hehe I know.
I have the song on my Lappy but I never play it. I just don’t feel like it. I do play it once or twice these days but I still haven’t crossed that 50 sec mark. But you know what? That doesn’t bother me.

Oh yeah, here’s another one. A few days back, I was chatting on Gtalk with CL. Just another day, just another chat, just gen stuffs. She was about to sign off and that’s when it happened. She said bye and added, “missing you guys.” Damn! Though I instinctively reply with a conventional “missing you too”, my thoughts are elsewhere, busy trying to run away as usual. And this particular incident has happened twice on chat and twice on sms. Damn! Double damn! I just don’t understand it. “Miss u a lot”, “miss kar raha hun”, “missing u”; every single time, it’s the same old story. But you know what? That doesn’t bother me.

The other night, this friend of mine, came into my room all excited. I was in no mood to listen to anybody. It was time to crash and I wanted to crash. She, however, had other plans. She had just come back from this amazing date with her boyfriend. Bah! I was definitely in no mood for that. I played some arbit playlist and hoped she would cut the narration short and let me crash in peace. I don’t remember what she said (coz if I did remember and wrote it on this blogpost, well, I would get kicked. ;) ) but there was something about that date, that was unforgettable for her and affected me to the extent that tears welled up in my eyes. Damn! A sudden gush of something flows through my system culminating in an involuntary smile. Was I happy for her? Or sad for myself? Or was it time to run away from whatever it is that I have been running away from? Time to chase her out of my room. I did chase her out and crashed on my pillow with such high approach velocity that my nose pained all night. Ouch! But you know what? That doesn’t bother me.

“Hey, listen to this song. He sent it to me this morning.”
Oh! Great! Just what I wanted to hear. “Ok. Send it down.”
I hardly listened to the song the first time I played it. I was preoccupied with many other things. She seemed excited about the song but I was least bothered. I played it a second time to actually listen to it, and man, was it good. Damn! It was too good. Why does he have to sing it like that? And why does he have to say things like that? Oh, by the way, the song under question is Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden. But you know what? That doesn’t bother me.

In other news, I just banged my knee against the sofa. Ouch!

Sometimes its just an involuntary smile and at other times it’s a surge of feelings. Its hard to keep yourself from smiling when you see an STD sms that reads just a “goodnight :)” or to hear your phone vibrate on your bedside window sill just a few minutes after you sent a goodnight message.

But you know what? All of this... just doesn’t bother me.

23 comments:

  1. ?????..and ur point is???
    anyway gud one...hmmm....

    oh ya btw thans for the publicity..the adv to ma blog...muuaah...he..he..[;)]

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  2. stil wondering ..wat u were saying...
    But you know what?..... That doesn’t bother me.:p

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  3. when i started reading the post i thought i shud give it to you for being crazier than me...
    but then by the end of it... it touched my heart... n all i have left to say is "wow"

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  4. @neethu
    sure thing girl! ahem, tht means u owe something bac too..

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  5. @TF
    wow! crazier?? :O dint kno thr was a comparative degree to ur craziness.. thanks anyway fr THE "wow"

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  6. extraordinarily implied message..the work of a true genius!

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  7. @akila
    woah! thanks, chinky.
    PS: gues u r th nly 1 who explicitly (extraordinarily f course) sed ki u gt th msg. ;)

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  8. oh ya....alredy said that koreeee tymes..naa..this was ur tym for showing gratitude fr that... :P

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  9. i have a few points to put up~
    1. Why wud you not specify names instead of calling ppl plucky nd CL which make it sound bad?
    2.Do you plan to get urself hurt this often?
    3. Assuming the last ans was yes... WHY?
    4.Do you ever care about ppl?
    5. What all dusnt bother you?
    6. what exactly bothers you?
    7. And if a "missing u" is so painful to you, i guess i am "missing you"! :)

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  10. hmm
    1. am not very sure if everybody likes to get publicised on this blog.. lik thr r ppl(whose identity i kno) who comment as anon..
    2. its nt lik i plan it!
    3. thr was a question in the end?!
    4. wateva makes u ask tht!
    5. good question
    6. good question agn.. man, u r gud at this! :P if i knew wouldnt i hav included tht?
    7. shutup

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  11. @abhishek
    1. am not very sure if everybody likes to get publicised on this blog.. lik thr r ppl(whose identity i kno) who comment as anon..
    2. its nt lik i plan it!
    3. thr was a question in the end?!
    4. wateva makes u ask tht!
    5. good question
    6. good question agn.. man, u r gud at this! :P if i knew wouldnt i hav included tht?
    7. shutup

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  12. Firstly I think u r worried and its bothering you all the time. How long will you run. Every marathon has an end. The more u try to run the more it haunts you. U can do nothing about it. As u said it's just that it's there and it will remain.I wonder what r u thinking about, that makes u numb. Hmm..'Neither does it explain itself to me nor have I made a conscious attempt at understanding it.' again i donno wats running in ur mind..

    You even started commenting on B'Adams haan..I don't know how come you haven't heard Summer of '69 till now and y dont u like it. I mean i like that song and it's still there in my fav playlist. It's among one of the best songs that B'Adams sings till now.You can find this song in all his albums like [Bryan Adams(Live), Bryan adams living in U.S.A (1988), Reckless(1984), So Far So Good,Straight From The Heart (LIVE - Bootleg),THE BEST OF ME,Unplugged] Ok leave that shit look at the stats its one of the popular song people have been listening till now. I dont know y he have to sing like that but as u said, That doesn't bother me till it sounds good to my ears and others. You know something, that song is not that bad as u r thinking. It depends on mood. Khair apni apni pasand. Isi liye mein is bare mein jyada bahas karna nahi cahta.Par ek baat samaj nahi aati. When u dont like that song y do u say - "I do play it once or twice these days but I still haven’t crossed that 50 sec mark."..??? check out these songs: B'Adams - summer of'69,(Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Here I am, Cloud Number Nine, Cuts Like A Knife, Open Road, Best of me.. patah nahi tumhe pasand aayega bhi ya nahi..

    "My thoughts are elsewhere, busy trying to run away as usual" - never seen you like that so i wont comment on this..'every single time, it’s the same old story' now that bothers me and definetely i m gonna remark on that. What do u mean by same old story..?? Could u tell me what new you have got to say..? Its about one's personal feeling and wether u like it or not, u should not comment on this atleast. I know many people just add it in their conversation though they dont mean it really. But wat abt the people who really miss u..? Will they fell happy after reading this..? Next 'I just don’t understand it.',what does it mean..? that says u never missed any one. Sounds strange. So you got no one in this world whom u miss actually right, Is that u really mean to say? definitely not, I suppose..

    'Was I happy for her? Or sad for myself? Or was it time to run away from whatever it is that I have been running away from?' I still dont understand what you really mean by this. I think you r right these endless vacation driving u insane. Girl what's wrong with you.. This is what life is and this is how it goes.. So what is that you are actually bothered about haan..? Einstein's Incomplete theories..? or why this universe exist..? or who's gonna be our next president..?

    Truly Madly Deeply is reaaly a good song..This time i strongly & completely agree with ya..

    Aisa koi sa bhi din hai jab tum sahi salamat rahti ho...? I mean kabhi it's sofa, aur fir kabhi it's d computer table, kabhi bed, kabhi pillow.. thoda dhayan rakha karo.. after all tum ab bachi nahi rahi na..

    Thats it for now..
    take care..

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  13. and u thot i wud.... shut up... whatever in the world made u think that way? hunh!

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  14. @rid3r

    u jus think?!
    "how long?" as long as my two thin legs dont vanish into thin air!
    ya, man.. u hava point thr.it haunts and it haunts bad. n thts th prob.i can do nothin abt it.doesnt tht send a chill down ur spine and thereafter make u numb?
    "wats runnin in my mind?" LOL! good question.no clue!

    i kno, i kno! it is too good! n thts d prob. if it makes any diff, i reached half th song after writing this blogpost. :)
    u gt th wrong idea i gues.. i like the song. bt i dont like th fact tht he sings too passionately.. somethin lik 2 good 2 b true or jus plain wow! if tht makes any sense..

    i luvd 'here i am' n i listen to it almost everyday..havent heard th others tht u hav mentiond.

    oh shit! u gt it all wrong again! the same ol story here is tht i get tht weird feelin again and nt tht i feel ki ppl dont mean it.
    f course thr r ppl tht i miss and weneva i say ki im missin some1, it is most likely that i am


    "'Was I happy for her? Or sad for myself? Or was it time to run away from whatever it is that I have been running away from?' I still dont understand what you really mean by this." lol! thts jus d same weird feeling n in tht line im jus desperately tryin to figure out wat was goin on.
    u mean every1 els goes thru th same thing? cool!

    yay! same thought abt th song

    thx a lot fr th summary of all my bangings. jus wat i wanted! :P

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  15. confusing blog and comments d size of blogs themselves..
    so il kip dis crisp n short..
    not very sure wat ure saying but i get d general idea..
    kinda agree wid d summer of 69 feeling tis 2 damn good..dusnt stop me from hearing it almost daily tho..
    d one time u cried(ref previous blog) was dat d same occasion wen dis frend of urs rushed in?
    nice blog anyway...
    u have d makings of a great writer..
    meaning u can churn out stuff which no one can understand,but seems impressive nevertheless..[:D]
    hmm i cudnt quite keep d being short n crisp promise...
    but u kno wat..
    it dusnt bother me... [:P]

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  16. @anon
    yay! ur crap2dudo gt confused? tchtch!
    no bey, tht was wen i was a kid and teacher sed ki 1 f th functions f tears is to clean the eyes.. so i gt freaked ki who wil clean my eyes??
    thanks! :D aside-charmer max nly.
    :P 2 u 2

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  17. nah rey dint get confused,ob not,superior naa...
    keep tryin d writer stuff...
    me always dere 2 praise it...[:D]

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  18. hmm.. comments:-

    1) for a nose the size of urs, no surprise u had the ache thru the night!

    2) for the size u r, i spose u shud avoid bangin into things for fear of crumblin down.. seriously, GET SOME FAT GIRL!!!

    3) dont worry anymore.. the end is nigh! and thou shalt walk unto the glory that lies in this very blessed intitute of ours. thy pains shall heal and thou shall prance along, yet again, like a young fawn, that do so populously exist in the land that never sleeps... wow!! never knew could write soooooooo arbitly in jus one shot!! hmm.. some achievement...

    formalities please!!!! here goes:

    lolzzzz.... :P

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  19. @anon
    why do you comment as anon wen i know damn well who you are??
    and no, u got confused.. ur processor's superiority is stale news..

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  20. @kaushik
    Thanks a million for the concern.. sure, wil get some fat.. just tell me when and where to get it..
    Wah! thanks fr beautifying my comments page with that!! achievement indeed!!
    nuf wid the incessant lolz..

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  21. nah,anonymity gives unparalleled freedom tis nt 2 conceal identity frm u... ob u kno [:P]

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  22. You must pardon me, I didn't get the exact point. I still got some growing to do, I believe ... Till my mind starts decoding subtlety, I should be glad to help if you need anything explicitly. oh goodnight , btw :)

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