F*** You!

Step 1. Imagine the situation to be a fart session.
Step 2. Imagine the swearing as about to start.
Step 3. Realize that you are talking to a girl.
Step 4. Realize that the girl seems to be conservative.

What expletive would you use, then?

"Fart you!"

PS: Swearing is 'poison'ous to health.

Heights of Cogging - GTalk

But, who came first?

Then again, I get my share of the entertainment. So why bother?

Heights of Cogging - TCF

When the Teacher Course Feedback* form gets cogged in front of your eyes, you know new heights of cogging have been reached.

*Teacher Course Feedback form is an OMR sheet ritual that's done for every course at the end of the semester for feedback regarding the professor and the course.

BD101-Introduction to Bar Dancing

Objective: The year is 2050. There is going to be a nuclear holocaust soon and two representatives of the most necessary professions are going to be sent for five years to stay on board a spacecraft till all the radiation and all that has subsided so that they can come back and bring up a civilization. One member from each team is to represent that profession and prove to the audience why they must be one of the two to be chosen.

Whistle

"Who was that?

I represent the not-so-humble not-so-neighbourhood bar dancers. Let me transport you to a world five years from now. Those who have survived the nuclear holocaust will be at an all time low. They would have lost everything they ever had till then. Everything they ever lived for. Imagine that! We, the bar dancers, have been around for a long time now; from as early as the times of the Mahabharatha. We have survived through all the lows of life possible. Trust me when I say lows. We have been through hardships that you can never imagine. And hence, it is we who can help you through these troubled times.

We give hope to the hopeless and ensure they get what they need to survive through the tough times. We all remember the scene from Munnabhai MBBS where the guy with the cancer dies a happy death, don’t we?

We can understand emotions and connect with all kinds of people. We know pretty well what others need, if you know what I mean. And we give them what they need too.

We teach people to love and live happily. That is exactly what would be lacking five years from now. And that’s exactly why you need us at that time.

Besides, we don’t pose a threat to others. Corruption and other such big words mean nothing to us. Actually, we don’t even know their meaning properly.

Last, but definitely not the least, point is that, you see, two people will be chosen to stay on board the spacecraft and five years is going to be really, really boring. Wouldn’t it be better if we could, well, spice it up?”

PS: This was a part of the workshop organized by Shell to Fuel our Career. And, for the record, I won the most votes in a show of hands. Overwhelming win, it was. I did see some people with both their hands up. :P And a few compliments later that day.

Expresso!

Well, what do you know? It's time to change the blog header. The pic used in this header is one of my favourites as of now, primarily because of the expression that has been captured. I never believed it when people used to tell me that I am very expressive. Maybe I am.

Meh.

So there! We have Expresso!

Nurture, nourish, nurse

Shadowed by misguided decisions,
Brightened by a candle in a storm.
Ephemeral rapture; the rule of the day.

Choking on my own words,
Gasping on hearing yours.
Leave me alone to rot and die.

Take me, use me, leave me.
A forthcoming frown found I for a friend.
Pessimism; my way of life.

Tears safely hidden in smiles.
One credible play after the other.
A facade to keep me alive.

They chose to abandon;
They increase in number.
I run back; I bleed, yet again.

You have it all; you make a statement.
You have nothing; you cannot even try.
Nurture, nourish, nurse and ditch.

PS: I think I can finally post this. Each stanza was written at different times during March and April 2008 and then I changed the order for some logical flow. I thought it was too negative to be posted then.

First time for everything - 2

fTime: 9:15 am

New text message
Put proxy.
[backspaces]
Put its the proxy.
[backspaces]
Please put its the proxy.
[backspaces]
Please put its the proxy for B slot.
Message sent!

..and that is the first time I asked someone to put a proxy for me. It has taken me 4.5 semesters to get myself to do that.

Ah, well. What's next?

PS: Here's First time for everything - 1

I am...

...not going to do anything as insanely selfless as waking up just to wake you up. Ever.

status: Encrypted

There was this short span of 4 days when the crossie fever got so high that it spilled onto my GTalk status message and took its place. People who I hardly get to talk to pinged with the answer/hint. Here are the four clues. One of each of the commonly encountered type of cryptic clues. One for each day.

Clues:
1. Posh photo altered for design. (9)
2. Vortex amazingly has a test within. (4)
3. A vehicle in sequence. (5)
4. A part of convergence is in the fiftieth cave. (8)

Answers:
1. Photoshop.
Hint: Anagram.
Thanks to Aniket for being directly responsible for making Photoshop the status message of the day.
2. Exam.
Hint: Hidden clue.
Thanks to the fortnightly quiz on Analog Circuits. You will never feel the beginning or the end of the quiz week. A toast to perennial quizzing.
3. Cycle.
Hint: Two definitions.
Thanks to the multilingual cycle repair shop guy for giving my cycle a makeover. It was enduring the sun and the rain, the dew and the dust and the good times and the bad at the insti In gate for 6 months because somebody was just plain lazy to get it.
4. Conclave.
Hint: Encrypted in convergence, fiftieth and cave.
Thanks to the organizers of the Shaastra Conclave 2008.

..and Harish comes up with this:
5. Krishna and Radha play with Bruce Lee first and then with Laplace. (5)

That made my day!

PS:
Just in case, you didn't get it:
5. Leela.
Hint: Encrypted in Lee and Laplace meaning something that Krishna and Radha play.

Laat or Laathi?

Disclaimer: I am sorry if you don’t understand Hindi (Woah! The sheer thought of such a fellow human being makes me squirm. Sarcasm alert!) but this, unfortunately, will not make sense if translated.

I read this and laughed. I think it’s about time I shared my worst ever Hindi experience. So here goes.

The year: 2007.
The time: About 6.00 pm.
The place: Outside Gurunath.
The people: Coke, Van and me.

It was one of those particularly exciting days when we would go all the way to Gurunath just to have that cup of tea. We had the tea, relished it and walked back to the hostel. Just then, a dog decided that it was jobless enough to walk along with us. We decided our moves just in case it decided to attack us. Coke exclaims, “Ek laat maarenge!” Yours truly couldn’t just listen and keep quiet about it but on the contrary, decided to respond to that. Quite fair, you might say. But, the point is that I spoke in Hindi. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I don’t know what made me do it. This is what I said, “Hum laat kaise maarenge? Hamare paas toh laat nahi hai na.” Laughs followed. Naturally.

Oh, by the way, I speak decent Hindi now and it feels good to be able to do so.

PS: In my defense, laat and laathi can be a bit confusing sometimes.
PS2: I have had 10 grueling years of Hindi as a second language at school. Thank you.